Our minds have a default setting when it comes to pain and discomfort. When push comes to shove, it doesn’t take much to turn us into babies. Very often, at the first signs of difficulty, our brains begin sending “Turn back” signals.

For example, when trying a new work-out or some activity that we’re unfamiliar with, quite often, we give up before we’re really at our physical “Go no further” point. Think of something simple like bench-pressing for example. It’s not uncommon for a first-time lifter to feel pumped out on very low weight, only to find a very rapid progression through heavier weights in successive work-outs.

What’s the logic behind this progression?

It takes a while to get to real gains through muscle-building. The difference is determination, and learning exactly what the signs of discomfort really mean. If you’re not used to jogging, you might feel a bit tired after the first 10 minutes of a run. That’s a long way off your real “tired” level though.

The process behind this is actually more psychological than physical. As human beings, we have a low cut-off switch when it comes to discomfort. This goes for emotional stress as well as physical. And the best way to learn to push through pain (in the context of a work-out or otherwise) is to uncouple the links we draw between “I feel uncomfortable” and “I can’t go on”.

It’s normal to feel a bit winded after the first 10 minutes of a run. It’s also normal to begin feeling a little pumped out when lifting weights, kicking the bag or doing pad-work. The key is to disrupt the idea that discomfort = your can’t go on point.

If you just continue through the discomfort, you’ll find you can train your brain to listen more accurately to the body, and to “give up” only when you’re really tired.

For example, if you’re used to only being able to run 20 minutes, force yourself to do 30 minutes. It doesn’t matter how slow you run. Just do it. If you can do 30 push-ups, make yourself do 35. The essence is simply to push the barriers of what your brain “thinks” is possible. You’ll find that often, once the initial barrier is broken, successive personal best performances get easier.

Eventually, you’ll find your body – not your mind – is holding you back. And that’s exactly what you want!

You can read all the relationship advice you like, but it’s a waste of time unless you work on the core of the problem.

The core of the problem is you.

Not the you that you think you are, but the you that you have been ‘miseducated’ into being; the you that society wants you to be; the you that you never thought you would be. That is who you have to work on. That is the you that thinks reading a book or flicking through a magazine will give you the instant answer, the instant solution – unfortunately, life doesn’t work that way; and nor do you. Most of these books are too one dimensional to make much of a difference; most of the articles are too shallow to get to the core of the problem, they only address the superficial details.

Re-programming oneself is not an easy task, it requires a radical re-organization of old habits; both emotional habits and physical habits, but if you refuse to do this, then you have little hope of changing the path your life is on, the path that was chosen for you, or the path that you fell into by virtue of the people you were surrounded by; probably a path that you didn’t think about much; possibly a path you regret; a path you can change if you want to.

Although the task may not be easy, it is not complicated, it is based on simplicity, on refuting the ‘miseducation’ of the past and on seeing how the world really works, how humans truly behave, how situations usually play out. Essentially it requires honesty, with yourself and with those around you. Once you decide to strip your opinions down to the core, to the bare bones of right and wrong, then you can begin to work on building a solid foundation based on the truth you see not on the fairy tale you were sold.

Building a foundation on your own dreams and ideals is essential if you are ever going to be successful physically and emotionally – do not build a dream on the ideals that you were given or the stories you were told; it is only when you make opinions based on your own experiences and on what you actually see that you can begin to know who you are and how you truly feel. It is all very well to believe what you are told, but it doesn’t do you much good when you are told lies, exaggerations and falsehoods that don’t work out in real life; and after all, real life is where you live, not in a movie, a book or a pop song. There is no happily ever after in real life.

Allow me to generalize a little…

Most of us have been taught to always look for a solution to our problems outside of ourselves; we are guided towards thinking that an animal, a partner, friends or a child will make it all better, that God has a greater plan for us than the one we see, or that the Universe will lead us to a better place; we are rendered helpless by our belief that there is a greater force at work, an organizing energy that will work things out for us in the end just so long as we behave as we see correct, just so long as we do as we are told. This is a falsehood, a lie, a fairy tale that conveniently places the blame elsewhere, and inconveniently takes away our sense-of-self so that we are always cursing ourselves or thanking something else depending on how the situation goes. Living this way negates our core and shrouds our truth in misconceptions and impossibilities.

Whenever someone mentions God or the Universe as the omnipotent force in their lives I will always question them; I will point out the self-centered nature of their belief, (their importance becomes inordinately magnificent because God or the Universe cares about them so much as to interfere with their path on a moment by moment basis); I will argue that the second you place the responsibility of your life on an outside force then you immediately negate free will, for the moment something else has the final say, the moment there are ‘no coincidences’, is the moment that we are being controlled by that force down to the last millisecond otherwise nothing would work out as ‘it’ intended, therefore, these people deny free will as a possibility (even if they think they have it)… And usually, after a little bit of defensiveness, these people will argue themselves into saying something like, “No, I mean that God is inside me, he is energy…” – did you just say “he”??!! Did you just change your argument to suit your position right now??!! Did you just make no sense whatsoever??!! I hope you see my point – let go of the external beliefs and convenient scape goats and start looking at what is really in front of you.

Until we confront who we are and what we actually experience, until we actually take responsibility for ourselves, our lives and our situation, then we are never going to progress as well as we should, we are never going to find balance or peace; we have to let go of the crutches we have been bred to believe in and we have to get to the core, to the essence of who we are. It is only then that we can reject the ‘miseducation’ and see what really happens around us rather than sugar coating life and letting our wishes complicate the truth.

Now the truth is not always pretty, but it’s here, and in order to create the best possible version of ourself we need to be open minded, we need to be able to re-shuffle what we were taught and re-think what we were told, we have to objective rather than subjective about our actions and reactions. What we were sold is not what really happens – what we see is what really happens; in order to see the truth we have to keep our eyes open, our ears alert and our minds active, we have to take into account our own actions and thoughts and we have to analyze the bigger picture as well as the smaller details; if we can do these things then we can begin to create a solid foundation and the basis for a strong core; if we can strip away the fluff and fantasy then we can find the core to ourselves and we can see the core of what is in front of us.

Avoidance is our biggest problem.

Because the truth is sometimes ugly, we have been programmed to hide from that truth, to deny that truth and to invent another truth that makes us all feel a little bit better about the cruel, mean, vicious world we actually inhabit. If we continue on this path of avoidance then we will never get to the core of the problem and we will continue to exist in lives that make no sense, lives that are riddled with disappointment and lives that follow the failed path of those that went before us.

The core of the problem is clear to see if we are prepared to be honest about life, about human nature, about the world. If we exist in reality, if we observe the workings of the world, if we are clear in our own minds about the way we truly are, then we can begin to learn from what we see, and hopefully when we read and when we teach we will do so with truth and honesty, we will make decisions based on sound principles and we will eradicate the core problem that creates so many repetitive problems.

(Do not blame your weight problem on outside forces – do something about it in a practical and sensible way. Do not blame others for your relationship issues – look at who you are and choose people that suit you better; learn to be alone and begin to grow. Do not expect the failed systems of the past to work in your favor – think for yourself and do what works for you. Remember, nobody cares about you as much as you do, so do something about you.)

If we can get to the core of the problem, if we accept the truth about human nature and the (often disastrous) role of nurture, if we have the strength of character to stand up to the ‘miseducation’, then we can create lives and loves that will last, situations built on integrity and not fantasy, relationships with real possibilities and children with a mind of their own.

Get to the core of the problem. You.

Guy Blews