So many women wish they could be more successful in their lives, yet, when I take them aside and ask them what would constitute specific success in their lives; they would stare at me blankly. Sure they might cover the obvious success strategies they would imagine they would need in order to be successful – but all too often they are not sure themselves of exactly what they are trying to achieve. Most women could tell me that they wanted to achieve abundance in wealth, health and happiness – yet in order to execute effective strategies to achieve these objectives, they would possibly land up walking away with mediocre results because their frame was too vague.

You see, if you don’t have very clear and specific goals in mind, then no matter what strategies you initiate in your life – you will be running around in circles. As a professional coach, it is my job to make sure that my clients’ goals and objectives are crystal clear before we even attempt to develop suitable success strategies in order to achieve what they are seeking. Often we are in a rush to reach our success, we bypass as many possible points so that we can get into action and start seeing immediate results. But if we don’t formulate a foundation for clarity and develop a plan to implement the right actions aligned with our definitive goals – we will sink before we can even swim!

The very first tip towards developing powerful and pertinent action steps therefore lies in becoming clear on what you want. It is not specific enough to say I want to become wealthy. Wealth to you may mean something very different to what wealthy means to someone else. How wealthy do you want to be, what do you want to earn, when do you want to become wealthy by…? These are all questions that need to be thought through before you get out there and play the game. Being vague will give you vague results. Get specific, measurable and clear so that you know exactly what to set out to achieve and then we can move onto creating success strategies that are right for you!

Once you are clear on what you want, the second tip I would implicate is to formulate goals that are tangible and do-able. So many women set such high expectations of themselves that they devise unrealistic action plans that they need to implement and they land up getting stuck in over-whelm. We often debilitate ourselves before we even begin. It is true that we all want to be superwomen; however, we also need to look at setting ourselves up to succeed and not to get imprisoned by the anxiety of our own expectations.

The rule of thumb as a coach is to encourage clients to set themselves up to carry out success strategies that are 20% out of your comfort zone. So if you feel that leaving your job and opening up your own business is 100% out of your comfort zone, then you need to look at other alternatives that you could do that would push you to get there, but not keep you trapped in helplessness. Perhaps you could start the company whilst you are still employed and work on it in the evenings and over the weekends, until such time as you feel that the move over would be more aligned with 20% out of your comfort zone.

Thirdly, the biggest tip I can give you as a coach to enhance effective success strategies is the following: see failure as feedback. If you are scared to do something out of fear of failure – then chances are you’ll never do it and you will never be able to face the failure, receive the feedback and move onto becoming a success. Failure is a success strategy in itself. The only way past failure is to go through it and learn so that you can then come out tops! If you can change your perspective on failure, I bet you would be ready and willing to try a lot more things in your life! Successful people welcome failure and use it as a stepping stone towards reaching their ultimate dreams.

So are you ready to define your goals clearly, get 20% out of your comfort zone, and welcome failure? If so, you have three success strategies that will help you overcome any obstacles, and shift you into creating and getting into action towards achieving your dream life!

Samantha McMurtrie is a dynamic woman who has the passion and commitment to seeing that everyone she encounters comes out with direction, purpose and an incredible drive for life! She is a learning facilitator and a qualified Professional Coach, a member of the ICF (International Coach Federation) & Comensa (Coaches and Mentors of South Africa). Samantha is one of the founders and members of Pretty Powerful, a vibrant company that optimises the power of the internet to provide women around the world with affordable, accessible and quality online coaching programs offering tools, success strategies, guidance and support to help women create the lives they want. Samantha is the author and coach of the successful Pretty Powerful 90-Day Life Makeover program that aims to help women become the best that they can be – mentally, emotionally, spiritually and skilfully. Pretty Powerful reflects Samantha’s vision to enthuse women around the world to learn, live and love POWERFULLY! Visit Success Strategies to become 100% clear, confident and excited about your life! Secrets of success.

Remember when you were young your parents would tell you to always look neat and smart? Even at a young age, you were beginning to learn some basic lessons in marketing yourself. Back then, your parents were teaching you that looking neat and smart creates a positive first impression so vital to your success.

However, as you grew older and wiser, and life became a lot more complicated, looking neat and smart, while still vital, is no longer adequate. Whether applying for a job, meeting with a business client, winning the heart of that very special someone, or running for public office, you need to be effective in marketing yourself to win.

Here are five effective tips you may find helpful in marketing yourself:

1. Always look neat and smart:
As a tribute to parents who have always worked hard for your success, looking neat and smart will always be on top of this list. People will always gravitate towards a winner. If you look like a winner and smell like a winner, people will treat you like a winner. And you yourself will certainly start feeling like a winner. High profile politicians and business icons who have the money even hire the services of an image consultant just so they would have that winning advantage.

2. Appear bigger than you actually are:
Oftentimes, size does matter. Again, this boils down to people wanting to be with or work with winners. There seems to be this accepted mindset, actually a misconception, that winners should be big. This is why you see small local businesses adopting fancy multinational-sounding business names to make their small business appear globally big. Or they would have their business stationery printed with the flags of several countries to imply they have multinational affiliates. Maybe they do. Maybe they don’t. But they certainly look big. Having a virtual office “staff” makes you look big, too, even though your “staff” could be just your mother, sister or your wife. In Rich Dad, Poor Dad, Robert Kiyosaki refers to his cat as his “business partner” whenever he has to enter into a contract subject to the approval of his “business partner”. Business Process Outsourcing and Contact Centers are there to create an impression that you have a big business. A business website is a very effective platform for marketing yourself as your website exposes your small business to a global market.

3. Highlight your achievements:
So what if you don’t have a Ph.D. on your resume? Or if you are just a start up business with very little credentials to show off? Do not dwell on what you do not have. Instead, focus on the benefits you can offer with what you do have and highlight these benefits when marketing yourself. Remember that almost all big industry players started out small at some point in time and were given the opportunity to grow.

4. Be a wide reader, research a lot:
Saying the right things at the right time leaves a very positive impression when marketing yourself in front of your business clients or when applying for a job. Reading and researching on a wide variety of topics gives you a wealth of information that you will find tremendously helpful during business negotiations or job interviews. Sometimes, just one brilliant remark can be all it takes to break the ice or seal the deal. In election debates, the candidate who gives the more intelligent, more relevant answers usually gets the votes. When marketing yourself, it is not enough to just look smart, you also have to talk smart.

5. Be multi-lingual and multi-cultural:
In today’s global economy, marketing yourself often requires the ability to speak several languages and be sensitive to diversities in cultures and traditions. Showing your clients you have taken extra efforts to learn about their language and culture earns you their respect and that all-important positive first impression. You can also get a lot of referrals from these clients as they usually are clannish and closely-knit.

A bounty of opportunities await you if you are effective in marketing yourself. You need to constantly keep your best foot forward, highlight your achievements, be sensitive to your markets’ needs, and always have that winning positive first impression.

Our minds have a default setting when it comes to pain and discomfort. When push comes to shove, it doesn’t take much to turn us into babies. Very often, at the first signs of difficulty, our brains begin sending “Turn back” signals.

For example, when trying a new work-out or some activity that we’re unfamiliar with, quite often, we give up before we’re really at our physical “Go no further” point. Think of something simple like bench-pressing for example. It’s not uncommon for a first-time lifter to feel pumped out on very low weight, only to find a very rapid progression through heavier weights in successive work-outs.

What’s the logic behind this progression?

It takes a while to get to real gains through muscle-building. The difference is determination, and learning exactly what the signs of discomfort really mean. If you’re not used to jogging, you might feel a bit tired after the first 10 minutes of a run. That’s a long way off your real “tired” level though.

The process behind this is actually more psychological than physical. As human beings, we have a low cut-off switch when it comes to discomfort. This goes for emotional stress as well as physical. And the best way to learn to push through pain (in the context of a work-out or otherwise) is to uncouple the links we draw between “I feel uncomfortable” and “I can’t go on”.

It’s normal to feel a bit winded after the first 10 minutes of a run. It’s also normal to begin feeling a little pumped out when lifting weights, kicking the bag or doing pad-work. The key is to disrupt the idea that discomfort = your can’t go on point.

If you just continue through the discomfort, you’ll find you can train your brain to listen more accurately to the body, and to “give up” only when you’re really tired.

For example, if you’re used to only being able to run 20 minutes, force yourself to do 30 minutes. It doesn’t matter how slow you run. Just do it. If you can do 30 push-ups, make yourself do 35. The essence is simply to push the barriers of what your brain “thinks” is possible. You’ll find that often, once the initial barrier is broken, successive personal best performances get easier.

Eventually, you’ll find your body – not your mind – is holding you back. And that’s exactly what you want!

You can read all the relationship advice you like, but it’s a waste of time unless you work on the core of the problem.

The core of the problem is you.

Not the you that you think you are, but the you that you have been ‘miseducated’ into being; the you that society wants you to be; the you that you never thought you would be. That is who you have to work on. That is the you that thinks reading a book or flicking through a magazine will give you the instant answer, the instant solution – unfortunately, life doesn’t work that way; and nor do you. Most of these books are too one dimensional to make much of a difference; most of the articles are too shallow to get to the core of the problem, they only address the superficial details.

Re-programming oneself is not an easy task, it requires a radical re-organization of old habits; both emotional habits and physical habits, but if you refuse to do this, then you have little hope of changing the path your life is on, the path that was chosen for you, or the path that you fell into by virtue of the people you were surrounded by; probably a path that you didn’t think about much; possibly a path you regret; a path you can change if you want to.

Although the task may not be easy, it is not complicated, it is based on simplicity, on refuting the ‘miseducation’ of the past and on seeing how the world really works, how humans truly behave, how situations usually play out. Essentially it requires honesty, with yourself and with those around you. Once you decide to strip your opinions down to the core, to the bare bones of right and wrong, then you can begin to work on building a solid foundation based on the truth you see not on the fairy tale you were sold.

Building a foundation on your own dreams and ideals is essential if you are ever going to be successful physically and emotionally – do not build a dream on the ideals that you were given or the stories you were told; it is only when you make opinions based on your own experiences and on what you actually see that you can begin to know who you are and how you truly feel. It is all very well to believe what you are told, but it doesn’t do you much good when you are told lies, exaggerations and falsehoods that don’t work out in real life; and after all, real life is where you live, not in a movie, a book or a pop song. There is no happily ever after in real life.

Allow me to generalize a little…

Most of us have been taught to always look for a solution to our problems outside of ourselves; we are guided towards thinking that an animal, a partner, friends or a child will make it all better, that God has a greater plan for us than the one we see, or that the Universe will lead us to a better place; we are rendered helpless by our belief that there is a greater force at work, an organizing energy that will work things out for us in the end just so long as we behave as we see correct, just so long as we do as we are told. This is a falsehood, a lie, a fairy tale that conveniently places the blame elsewhere, and inconveniently takes away our sense-of-self so that we are always cursing ourselves or thanking something else depending on how the situation goes. Living this way negates our core and shrouds our truth in misconceptions and impossibilities.

Whenever someone mentions God or the Universe as the omnipotent force in their lives I will always question them; I will point out the self-centered nature of their belief, (their importance becomes inordinately magnificent because God or the Universe cares about them so much as to interfere with their path on a moment by moment basis); I will argue that the second you place the responsibility of your life on an outside force then you immediately negate free will, for the moment something else has the final say, the moment there are ‘no coincidences’, is the moment that we are being controlled by that force down to the last millisecond otherwise nothing would work out as ‘it’ intended, therefore, these people deny free will as a possibility (even if they think they have it)… And usually, after a little bit of defensiveness, these people will argue themselves into saying something like, “No, I mean that God is inside me, he is energy…” – did you just say “he”??!! Did you just change your argument to suit your position right now??!! Did you just make no sense whatsoever??!! I hope you see my point – let go of the external beliefs and convenient scape goats and start looking at what is really in front of you.

Until we confront who we are and what we actually experience, until we actually take responsibility for ourselves, our lives and our situation, then we are never going to progress as well as we should, we are never going to find balance or peace; we have to let go of the crutches we have been bred to believe in and we have to get to the core, to the essence of who we are. It is only then that we can reject the ‘miseducation’ and see what really happens around us rather than sugar coating life and letting our wishes complicate the truth.

Now the truth is not always pretty, but it’s here, and in order to create the best possible version of ourself we need to be open minded, we need to be able to re-shuffle what we were taught and re-think what we were told, we have to objective rather than subjective about our actions and reactions. What we were sold is not what really happens – what we see is what really happens; in order to see the truth we have to keep our eyes open, our ears alert and our minds active, we have to take into account our own actions and thoughts and we have to analyze the bigger picture as well as the smaller details; if we can do these things then we can begin to create a solid foundation and the basis for a strong core; if we can strip away the fluff and fantasy then we can find the core to ourselves and we can see the core of what is in front of us.

Avoidance is our biggest problem.

Because the truth is sometimes ugly, we have been programmed to hide from that truth, to deny that truth and to invent another truth that makes us all feel a little bit better about the cruel, mean, vicious world we actually inhabit. If we continue on this path of avoidance then we will never get to the core of the problem and we will continue to exist in lives that make no sense, lives that are riddled with disappointment and lives that follow the failed path of those that went before us.

The core of the problem is clear to see if we are prepared to be honest about life, about human nature, about the world. If we exist in reality, if we observe the workings of the world, if we are clear in our own minds about the way we truly are, then we can begin to learn from what we see, and hopefully when we read and when we teach we will do so with truth and honesty, we will make decisions based on sound principles and we will eradicate the core problem that creates so many repetitive problems.

(Do not blame your weight problem on outside forces – do something about it in a practical and sensible way. Do not blame others for your relationship issues – look at who you are and choose people that suit you better; learn to be alone and begin to grow. Do not expect the failed systems of the past to work in your favor – think for yourself and do what works for you. Remember, nobody cares about you as much as you do, so do something about you.)

If we can get to the core of the problem, if we accept the truth about human nature and the (often disastrous) role of nurture, if we have the strength of character to stand up to the ‘miseducation’, then we can create lives and loves that will last, situations built on integrity and not fantasy, relationships with real possibilities and children with a mind of their own.

Get to the core of the problem. You.

Guy Blews

Guy Blews is the author of ‘Marriage & How To Avoid It’ and is the instigator of Realistic Relationships. He has a blog at http://www.realisticrelationships.com/ and recently released his second book, ‘Realistic Relationships’ which gets to the core of the problem on every issue related to life, love and relationships.