Avoiding the Crap Magnet
April 7, 2009
There are not to many things that I truly dislike; but I hate complainers.
Nothing makes me cringe and creates a distaste in my mouth like hearing someone claim the world is working against them, as if the world is working to do them wrong. And I am not talking about the occasional complaint or talking through problems to find solutions, I am talking about the chronic complainer.
T. Harv Eker says:
When you are complaining you become a living, breathing “crap magnet.”
Being around the constant complainer makes you feel like they really are a crap magnet, and that they are spewing their crappiness to anyone that would listen. They don’t want advice, they don’t want to be cheered up, they are not looking for solutions. They just want to rant.
When I was younger I had days that I felt that the world was closing in on me, and my naive self went right along with it and helped the world out by pulling things down on myself – self sabotage. If things were going so bad, why not just go with it.
Luckily, I grew out of this terrible habit and I try to pass on the complain train. If something in my life is not going the way I want it I try to figure out the cause of it and do what I can to change it. My world is my creation and I have to take the reigns. Ahh, how great it feels to grow up!
I do what I can to avoid those in my life that try to get me down with their complaints. It drives me crazy that they would give in, and give up fighting for what they want in life and take the easy route and gripe about their place in life. How can you be successful in life and feel good about yourself when wallowing in complaints? I want better for my life – I say “no” to crap.
For those times that you have to be around a crap magnet I offer these tips:
Get them Going
Not just any subject will do, choose the one you know they love to talk about. Be it their dog, their car, or maybe the Yankees, get them going and relish in their time of joy. The serious complainer can turn this around eventually back to complaining, but that can make your cue to use the lou.
Remember the Time
Get them to talk about an experience the two of you had that is guaranteed to get you both on a happy trip down memory lane. I know of stories that will get each of my brothers off of any complaint rant and on to remembering the good times.
Acknowledge their Difficulties
Say sincerely that you don’t understand how they deal with such difficult problems. Most likely your complainer will back down and say it is not so bad.
Stay Strong
Whatever you do stay true to your good feelings and don’t go on a crap binge. You will just wake up with a headache regretting your actions of the night before, and it is just not worth it. If the complainer know he can vent to you and have you feed his fire you will find your self getting phone calls and visits sure to suck every ounce of happy you have.
So the next time your dad brings up that gross hangnail that he has had for the last six months and has done nothing about, get him to tell you about his favorite fishing trip, again.
Remember, 90 percent of the people don’t care about your problems … and the other 10 percent are glad you have them!
How do you handle crap magnets?
Great Quote – I will use it often.
“90 percent of the people don’t care about your problems … and the other 10 percent are glad you have them!”
In the case of “crap Magnets” oppisites do not attract. Most complainers are looking for others to join with them and keep the complaint chain going.
My approach is to listen to the complainer, but when they are finished I find it helpful to try to shed some light on their complaints, or to offer advice if the complaint is valid, but there is nothing that can be done about it.
For instance, someone is complaining about government. I would help this individual get in touch with their government officials and help them to voice their concerns to the proper ear. Unfortunately, I have run into several career complainers: They complain about government, but they don’t even bother to vote; They complain about their job, but they have never tried to do anything else; They complain about the way they are treated, but they treat everyone around them like dirt. These personalities are the real cancer in the workplace.
As a Manager I sit down with the chronic complainer and let them know that it is unacceptable in the workplace. I help them to develop a plan to turn this behavior around, or to at least turn it off during the work day.
Employment law will work with you as long as you are consistent and fair.
I couldn’t agree with you more, Jim, the “crap magnet” is always on the lookout for others to join in on their pity party. I appreciate managers, like you, that care enough to harness the chronic complainer at work. It is not fair to others when this type of person roams the cubicle farm looking to prey on anyone that will listen, or at least not run away. It is important to stop the “crap magnet” at work; it is bad enough we have to deal with these people in our family or around town, but forced to deal with them 40 hours a week is too much!
Wow. A long whine about complaining. .. or was it a long complaint about whining?